


singing in my sleep

by empiremind (justlikeabaroness)



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: (but only just), Alternate Reality, M/M, Music, Very Slight Body Image Issues, Yuto Is A Bit Of A Hipster, but that's okay, very slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-05 12:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15170528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlikeabaroness/pseuds/empiremind
Summary: Playlists are ordinary. Jinho deserves something special.





	singing in my sleep

**Author's Note:**

> my first non-huidawn pentafic. be gentle.
> 
> “got your tape and it changed my mind  
> heard your voice in between the lines  
> come around to another time  
> that nobody ever knows”  
> \- semisonic

_“Are you_ really _certain about this, Hyunggu?”_

_“Yes. He’s got a tape deck. And stop calling me Hyunggu.”_

_"You better not be wrong, Hyunggu."_

Yuto still isn’t sure he’s doing the right thing, even as he carefully waits for the guitar riff in the Semisonic song to hit a certain point before he starts to manually fade the song out, manipulating the faders with one thumb the way he remembers. He’s seen _High Fidelity_ ; he knows that making a mixtape is a careful and dedicated art. Sure, it might be all about digital nowadays, but he’d gotten his first cassette tape as a gift from his brother when he was ten, and worn it out with love and repetition. It’s something he’s always enjoyed sharing - making mixtapes and CDs for other people is a way to show love when words fail.

The only problem in this specific scenario (besides whether he's about to make an ass of himself, obviously) is whether or not the object of his affections owns an old-style tape deck. He's honestly not sure that Jinho is this much of a hipster, and if he isn't, it'll present an awkward problem. (Almost as awkward as it will be if his hyung laughs at him.) Still, he keeps building the mixtape, keeps racking his brain about which songs are best to play for the hyung he's had a crush on pretty much since the minute they'd met. Playlists are ordinary. Jinho deserves something special.

Jo Jinho isn't the most complicated person, but that's okay with Yuto; really, it's refreshing. Yuto deals with complicated on a daily basis - the food in Korea. The language. E'Dawn. It's nice to deal with someone whose drivers are simple - work, food, fun, sleep. It means that Yuto doesn't have to parse an encyclopedia's worth of mixed signals to interact with his hyung.

He queues up Taeyeon _sunbaenim_ 's "Something New" to segue right in as "Singing In My Sleep" fades. The guitar is perfect, and he knows Jinho's a fan of R&B and soul styles. Honestly, Yuto's never met anyone whose musical knowledge is as vast as Jinho's, except maybe Hui. The main vocals know absolutely everything, from the date of Kaji Meiko's first performance of Shura No Hana (1973) to how many Grammys Justin Bieber has won (one). He'd been impressed, and just slightly turned on. He might like smart people; sue him.

It doesn't help that as he's gotten more acclimated to Korea, Jinho hyung has been there every step of the way for him. Yuto smiles as he checks the mixing level on the song playing right now, making sure they're all reasonably even so the listener's ears don't get blown off. Hongseok has helped with his Korean, and all his hyungs have become his family. (And Kino. And Wooseok.) But Jinho has let him be vulnerable - let him come to his room at night and air out his concerns and his nerves, and done his best to help, without any judgments. 

The night they'd kissed for the first time hadn't even been very scary. It had just happened, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He'd been snuggling with Jinho after an exhausting day, and he'd thanked Jinho for listening to his worries. Jinho had smiled and simply said, "It's never a problem, Yuto-yah." He'd leaned in, Yuto had thought, to kiss his forehead. But then their lips had met. And Yuto had reciprocated, because he still remembers the dizzying, exhilarating feeling that had shot through his entire body, from top to toes, when Jinho's lips had landed on his. 

No, the fear had come later. What the hell did it all mean? Yuto remembers the headaches as he hits stop on the tape player, rewinding and playing a short snippet to make sure that he's stopped the music at the right moment. He'd been too scared to ask Jinho what it had meant, so he'd gone to the next best source - Kino. Kino has all the gossip, and not much of the shame. It's refreshing and at the time, it had been incredibly handy.

" _As far as I know, he's never been that interested in girls,_ " Kino had told him, smiling in that way that's both placid and unassuming and yet as wise as any priest. " _I thought he was just work-obsessed, but if he kissed you, maybe it's something different._ " Cue the embarrassing eyebrow waggle. " _See where it goes!_ "

Yuto looks for the next song - a live version of "I Fall In Love Too Easily" by Miles Davis - and shakes his head. Kino means well, and he's always grateful that his friend just seems to know things - but he isn't really sure he wants to just "see where it goes." That way might lie madness - anything from Jinho hyung mocking him to being outed as a homosexual. He doesn't particularly think there's anything wrong with gay people, but he knows too many people do for that course to be a smooth one.

And yet he wonders. It's hard to get the feeling of safety out of his bones - the feeling that Jinho understands what he goes through and how he feels and who he is. Yuto wonders if he does.

Miles Davis' soft horn lulls him into a reverie for a while, as it usually does. Yuto feels the softness of the instrumental landscape, and breathes in what he knows is nerves. Kino had been bothering him about actually using a tape player, well meaning but off the mark - but it had helped him decide on his course. " _Why not just a playlist?_ " his friend had asked. " _Why all this old stuff?_ " Because it's special, is the answer he'd given. Because it matters. Because Jinho has helped him to stick his neck out and try new things and live in the moment. And in that moment it had made sense. So he is, Yuto had decided, going to confess, because it's living in the moment. He's just too scared to do it in words.

The thing is, that's something else Jinho has taught him. During one of their late night talks, he'd been talking about how scared he was to go shirtless on stage, to put himself out there for everyone to dissect, to let himself be pushed into boxes based on body shape rather than on strength of heart or character. And he'd been expecting to be told to buck up, to accept it as part of their job. But Jinho had shaken his head, smiled (maybe a trifle sadly), and told him no. "It's okay to be scared," he'd said, squeezing Yuto's hand. "It doesn't mean you can duck out of things, but being scared is okay. Use it to push yourself - the better prepared you are, the less scared you'll be."

Simple, yes. But important. The sheer novelty of getting permission to be human is rare in their profession. Yuto smiles at the memory. Be scared, but do it anyway. That's something he can manage.

He keeps adding music. Tom Waits. Jay Park. Kim Kyujong. The Beatles. Each song chosen, timed, and mastered as best he can with his old equipment. Yuto knows that the sound won't be as crisp as it would be on mp3s. He doesn't care. Music should be like people - worn, and loved, and just a little imperfect.

Eventually, after exactly three hours and thirty-seven minutes, he's finished with his 60 minute mixtape, down to writing the song titles on the outside in his clumsy handwriting. The English letters are a little bit awkward, but he squeezes them in. Jinho hyung speaks English; he should be able to read it. Hopefully.

It takes him another ten minutes to get the courage to stand up, and another five to will the feeling back into his legs. So maybe he gets a little distracted when he's interested in something. Or someone. Or both. But he tries to focus now; it's okay to be scared, but not preoccupied. Mind on the matter at hand. Jinho has nice hands. And lips. Oh, shit. 

Enough. Yuto takes a breath, leaves his room, and walks down the hall toward where the other dorm connects with his. The tape is in his hand, and as he passes the common room, Kino sees it, giving him another exaggerated wink. It's support, after a fashion, and Yuto does smile back, because he needs all the help he can get.

As he heads into the hyungs' dorm, though, he hears music coming down the hall from an open door. It's something jazzy, upbeat, sung in English by a sweet-voiced woman, and it makes Yuto smile. The music is slightly warmer than one normally hears from a computer, and as he gets in front of Jinho's door, he sees an old-school, double-deck Sony tape player.

It makes him feel vindicated, and he closes his eyes, drawing in the strength of the good omen as he lightly taps on Jinho's open door.

**Author's Note:**

> if you're wondering, my jinho/yuto playlist (what IS the ship name?): 
> 
> "singing in my sleep" semisonic  
> "something new" taeyeon  
> "oh la la" brigitte  
> "i fall in love too easily" miles davis  
> "li'l something" chen x heize  
> "i hope i that don't fall in love with you" tom waits  
> "solo" jay park ft yezi & loco  
> "the fear you won't fall" joshua radin  
> "my love" kim kyujong ft YS  
> "i've just seen a face" the beatles  
> "dance me to the end of love" madeleine peyroux


End file.
